Tuesday, July 31, 2012

Checking In, letting it go - yoga & real life

Yoga and real life tend to overlap. 

I get that moment of clarity and AH-HA! realization that I've been searching for all day/week.

The leadup:

I'm laying restlessly peacefully in shavasana (dead fish pose at the end of a yoga practice) and trying fiercely to clear my mind. *yeah because THAT works* The triumph and humbling nature of a butt kicking yoga class makes a difference. But I can't fool myself.... Its one week until "the day", the 2-year mark, and everything about my psyche and body can't be fooled into thinking its not coming. I'm not sleeping well, I'm not focusing well, my patience is low, my give-a-damn is busted, and I just want to be alone (but I also want to be held like a child at the same time - very confusing).

Then I hear the magical words of the day. The lean and beautiful yogi paces the room with a calm voice that floats into your resting head like where clouds meet ocean spray: "I want you to check in with yourself. Is there anything that you can let go of? Is there anywhere where you could be a little softer."

And it hits me. Damn! Maybe if I could let go of a few things, this would be easier. Maybe if I softened a few things, I would be more at peace. I stew on this for a while, making a mental note to write this all down when I leave class. *notice, I'm still thinking instead of resting*

Then the yogi strikes again. "Check in with the intentions you set, notice them without judgement. Let it pass back out of you."

She has returned to the one lesson I clung to most when I started practicing yoga....be present, be honest with what is going on, but DO NOT JUDGE YOURSELF. If I am overeating/ undereating/ drinking/ sleeping/ bitching, I try to realize it, realize what I am doing and *hopefully* why I am doing it without judgement. **This is the key, and I'll say it again: WITHOUT JUDGEMENT**

Here is my mantra of the moment, what I tell myself, and anyone else who will listen when they are having a down on themselves day: You are a logical, strong, smart person - everything you do (even the seemingly self-destructive things) probably have the best intentions at the root. And unless you fulfill these intentions through a different method, you are bound to repeat it. If you are trying to change, try doing it with love- not tough love.  

So this is my challenge, to myself and anyone else who would like to partake: What can you let go of? Where can you soften? Can you release it without judgement?

I know that there is a lot of this with my widow (and non-widow) friends: there is family, in-laws, friends, coworkers, even late spouses - and sometimes we have little nagging negativities that we are hanging on to. But it is only hurting us- the soul harboring that negativity/grudge, day in and out. Can we let it go? Or part of it go? Or send it some positive light and peace so the walls around it can break down and soften.

The person that said the thing that really hurt you. The co-workers that said they would be there, but promptly were busy with other things. The friend that got frustrated and let hurtful words slip. The dog that won't stop barking, the kid that won't stop whining, those pounds we can't loose. Can we let it all go?

While we do all of this, can we do it without judgement? We probably have those grudges for good reason. *Look for holding grudges vs. learning lessons in a future blog post....it is on the agenda. But that doesn't mean that the grudge, the negative part of the lesson, has any place on our journey of healing and happiness.

Your response:

What do you think? Can you do it? What little thing can you let go of today?

With love and light, 

PS - its my first post, on my first blog, leave me some lovins!